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Talking with your baby: serve and return

Little conversations, long before the first word. Here's how, with things to say at every age.

The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University calls it “serve and return”: your child serves (a look, a sound, a point) and you return it (a smile, a word, an answer), back and forth. Its five steps are notice the serve, return it, give it a name, take turns and wait, and practice endings and beginnings.

Checked October 29, 2026.

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What are the five steps of serve and return?

  1. Notice the serve and share the child's focus of attention. A look, a point, a sound, a kick of the legs: that's a serve. Notice what your child is looking at or doing.
  2. Return the serve by supporting and encouraging. Answer it: a smile, a nod, "I see!", a hug, or bringing the thing they point at closer.
  3. Give it a name!. Say what your child sees, does or feels: "Yes, those are your feet!" Babies hear the words long before they say them.
  4. Take turns, and wait. After you answer, wait for your child's next turn. Waiting gives them time to work out a reply.
  5. Practice endings and beginnings. When your child lets go, looks away or says "all done", follow them to the next thing.

The Center says waiting is crucial: children need time to form a reply, especially while they're learning so much at once. You can't do this all day, and you don't need to. Look for small moments: getting dressed, waiting in line, the bath.

What should I say to my baby? Ideas by age

Our own examples of the five steps and of the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association's tips for parents, from birth to 5.

Birth to 6 months

  • When your baby coos, coo back, then stop and wait for the next sound.
  • Tell your baby what you're doing as you do it: "Now the warm wipe. Now the clean diaper. All done!"
  • Copy their faces and sounds. If they blow a raspberry, blow one back.
  • Sing while you change, bathe or rock them. Any song counts.
  • When they look away, let them rest. That's an ending.

6 to 12 months

  • Name what they look at or reach for: "The cup. You want the cup."
  • Copy their babble ("ba-ba-ba") and add a sound of your own, then wait.
  • Play peekaboo, clap hands and wave bye-bye together.
  • Say their name before you talk to them, and watch them turn.
  • Teach animal sounds with a picture book: "A cow says moo."

12 to 18 months

  • When they point, name it: "A dog! A big dog."
  • Ask "Where's your nose?" and "Where's the ball?", then point together if they're not sure.
  • Give simple directions with a gesture: "Give me the spoon," holding out your hand.
  • Add one word to theirs. If they say "car", you say "Red car!"
  • On a walk, point to and name what you see.

18 to 24 months

  • Give two-step directions: "Get the ball and put it in the box."
  • Ask them to name pictures. If they don't answer, name it for them and move on.
  • Use short sentences they can copy: "More water?" "Shoes on."
  • Talk about sounds: the clock goes "t-t-t", the car goes "vvvv", bubbles go "pop".
  • Leave a gap at the end of a line they know in a favorite book.

2 and 3 year olds

  • Ask questions that need more than yes or no: "What happened to the tower?"
  • Talk about feelings: "You're sad the park is closing. Me too."
  • Let them tell you about a picture, then add one new word.
  • Count things together on the stairs, at lunch, in a book.
  • Wait. Give them time to find their words before you help.

3 to 5 year olds

  • Ask about their day at dinner, and tell them about yours.
  • Make up a story together, one sentence each.
  • Play "I spy" with first sounds: "I spy something that starts with b."
  • Wonder out loud: "Why do you think the leaves fall?"
  • Ask them to retell a story you've read, in their own words.

What if I feel silly talking to a baby?

Narrate. ASHA suggests describing your daily activities, where you go and what you see. “Now we're putting on your socks. One sock, two socks.” It feels odd for a day or two, then it's just how you talk. Use whichever language you're most comfortable in.

More on talking

  • First wordsTick your child's first words on your phone. The CDC's language milestones from 1 year to 30 months, ASHA's tips, and who to call if you're worried.
  • Two languages at homeASHA says using more than one language doesn't confuse children or cause delays, and mixing them is expected. How families do it, reading in both, and the CDC's checklists in Spanish.

Sources