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Tantrums and big feelings: what helps

The American Academy of Pediatrics says tantrums are a normal part of development and happen most between ages 1 and 3. It suggests small choices, distraction and consistency, stopping hitting or biting right away, and talking with your pediatrician if you are concerned.

Checked October 29, 2026.

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What can I do during a tantrum?

  • Give your child control over little things, such as a choice between two shirts.
  • Create a distraction: point out something new or change the place.
  • If your child might run into the street, grab them tightly and hold them.
  • If your child is hitting or biting, stop it right away and make clear it is absolutely not acceptable. The AAP says not to ignore hitting, kicking, biting or throwing.

How can I head off tantrums?

The AAP says to set your child up for success. If tantrums tend to happen when your child is hungry, bring a healthy snack when you go out; if they happen when your child is tired, put sleep and naps first. Consistency from day to day is key to reducing how strong and how often tantrums are.

Does a lot of tantrums mean my child needs more attention?

Not necessarily. The AAP says not to assume that a child who has frequent tantrums is getting too little attention; personality shapes tantrums too.

Talk with your pediatrician if you are worried

The AAP advises talking with your pediatrician if you are concerned about your child's behavior, including hitting, biting or throwing that does not ease.

A calm-down card to print

Put it where your child can see it. Practice the steps when everyone is calm, not in the middle of a tantrum.

My calm-down card
  1. Stop. I have a big feeling.
  2. Smell the flower, blow the candle: breathe slowly.
  3. Ask for a hug, or hug my toy.
  4. Say it with words: "I'm mad!" "I'm sad!"

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